Why you got to lie Craig?

Lies…. Why do people tell them? I know as children we told lies to get out of trouble or maybe to look better in front of our friends. But as adults, why do some folks lie? I’m not talking about the little white lies we all tell here and there. I’m talking about the WHOPPERS! Lies about career, faking illnesses, relationships. Why do people do it?

I’m going to discuss lies, how it’s impacted me and the various ways I’ve seen lies over my lifetime. I’m going to protect everybody and their families by not mentioning them by name or any identifying details because I don’t want to hurt anyone. But I do want to discuss this. It seems more and more nowadays people are lying to us one way or the other. I mean you can’t even have a discussion with some people about politics or religion without hearing about lies. Almost every person walking the earth thinks politicians are lying and/or crooked. And we have some pastors out here lying to their congregation. In a church I attended once, the pastor was having several affairs. I’m sure it’s happened in a lot of churches and a pastor is only a man, but he’s supposed to live at a higher standard given his position. So that betrayal hits a little different. I’m going to talk more about infidelity and the lying associated with that later but just wanted to briefly touch on just how rampant lying has become in our society.

I think more than anything on earth, I can’t stand a liar. I hate to be lied to because it’s so uncalled for. It really irritates me when it’s about the dumbest things or things that can be easily refuted. Recently I had to really look at myself and see why it bothers me so bad when people lie to me. It seems to get under my skin now more than it did before. So, has that changed as I aged? Has it changed because the people I hang out with don’t lie so when I hear it, it throws me into something? Is it because I’m just a person of integrity? I don’t know why it bothers me so much more now because I have dealt with liars most of my life. I grew up with someone who lied constantly. But it wasn’t lying in the traditional sense. He didn’t TELL lies, he lived one. He stole and cheated his way thru most of his life. Literally stole from almost every place he went. You couldn’t leave anything of value around him. Couldn’t even let him stay in your house long before something would come up missing! It could be money, clothes, shoes… didn’t matter. If it looked valuable, he would take it and sell it in a heartbeat. Whenever he was around, I would watch him like a HAWK because he could still the shirt off your back, and you wouldn’t know it until you stepped outside and felt a draft. I don’t remember getting mad at this, but I just knew to keep my distance and how to move when he was around.

Another person in my life, lied about EVEYRTHING! I mean you couldn’t believe a word that came out of his mouth. I would get upset with him because it impacted me personally. His lies caused me time, money and sometimes it felt like it caused me my sanity. It drove me absolutely nuts that dang near every word out his mouth was a lie. How can you even have a conversation with someone you have to constantly wonder if it’s the truth? It’s draining and not worth it. I still talk to this person but it's not often and I keep it very light and vague.

Now let’s talk infidelity and all the lies associated with that! Let’s say a man is cheating on his wife. He’s lying to his wife ANYTIME he’s with the woman because he’s definitely not telling his wife where’s he at. So, either he’s lying about his whereabouts or he’s lying by omission! He’s lying quite possibly to the other woman unless she’s just trifling and doesn’t care that he’s married. If this couple has kids, he’s lying anytime he’s in a family situation portraying they’re a happy couple. OBVIOUSLY, THEY’RE NOT IF HE’S CHEATING! Every time he says he loves his wife, that’s a lie! I know some may disagree with that statement. I’m sure some will say but he may still love his wife. Nah I’m not buying it. Because you don’t hurt the ones you love and whenever he’s with the other woman, he’s hurting his wife indirectly. And shoot if he’s not using protection, he could eventually end up giving her some type of disease which would DIRECTLY affect her. Now let’s go back to the pastor who cheats on his wife. The lies HE tells goes beyond just the lies to the wife and his family. He’s lying to his entire congregation ANY time he preaches. He doesn’t have to be preaching on adultery; he can be preaching on love, respect, being Godly. Doesn’t matter because he’s lying. He’s not being ANY of those things when he cheats on his wife. Maybe men don’t see it that way. They seem to think it’s no big deal because it’s only physical to them. MEN LISTEN UP… MAKE IT A BIG DEAL BECAUSE IT’S ONE FOR YOUR WIFE! The fact that men KNOW that women handle affairs differently, should be enough for a HUSBAND to stay faithful unless he just doesn’t want his marriage. And if that’s the case, JUST TELL HER! TRUST ME she’ll rather hear you want a divorce than you had an affair! I told my husband a LONG time ago if he ever cheats on me, I’m OUT! I won’t tolerate the lies, disrespect and being made a fool of. I just won’t! And maybe I’ve applied that same thinking to others because when people lie to me, my first thought is “They must think I’m a fool.”

I recently ended a friendship because of lies. This person just lied TOO much about EVERYTHING! I couldn’t take it. The last straw was when they lied about a medical condition and some things that happened around that. Turns out the medical condition was true, but everything else surrounding the matter was a lie! They put so much on the other stuff that I couldn’t take it!! I seriously tried to look past it, but I couldn’t. Because when I looked back on the friendship, I came to realize that I didn’t even really know her. She lied so much throughout the friendship that I didn’t know who I was dealing with. Who is she?? I want to believe that the good I saw in her is part of who she really is at her core. But that wasn’t enough for me. Like I said previously, how can you have a conversation with someone when you think everything coming out of their mouth is a lie!? Others told me to just let it slide. Just let her talk and take it with a grain of salt. I couldn’t do it. That meant comprising who I am as a person. And why should this person get the best of me and I’m getting lies from them!? Why would I want to share my life with them and not sure what they’re sharing is true? I couldn’t do it. It was tough to do. It really was because there is more to our relationship than just us two, but it had to be done. I had to let it go.

I am a good friend, no, I’m a GREAT friend to the ones I love. I go hard for my friends and there’s nothing I won’t do for them. In a previous blog, I talked about how much I cherish my friends and how some become family. If I allow myself to be around liars, I’m not doing myself, them, or any of my friends a service because I would have to live a lie in that person’s presence. I would have to be guarded, reserved and on the defense, even in the conversations that are electronic. And that’s not fair to ME! I’m not going to put myself in an uncomfortable position to make others feel comfortable. I’M JUST NOT! I’m 52 (at the time of this writing) and that’s just too old to be playing these types of games. I never wish anybody any ill will. That’s bad karma and that’s just not who I am. I’m very forgiving. I will forgive any and everybody. HOWEVER just because I forgive does not mean I forget. Nor does it mean they are allowed access to me. I forgive them so I can move on. I don’t want to hold onto any grievances or hard feelings because that’s going to poison me and my mind. So, I let go and sometimes it’s only mental but sometimes I physically have to let go of relationships. I’m good with that because I know that not everybody is meant to be in your life forever. We all have seasons and reasons and that’s just fine by me. I learn something from almost everybody I encounter so I’m appreciative of every liar that I’ve crossed paths with. I can see the signs earlier now and can save myself some time and energy in certain situations and with certain people. I can’t be mad at that.

I am still on a mission of bettering myself and meeting people where they are in life. However, NOT ONE PHASE of this self-improvement journey is going to tolerate a liar. It’s not who I am or who I want to be. So, if it means I have to let some things or some people go, then that’s just the way it is.

Y’all be safe, be blessed and be a blessing!