Are you living how you want to be remembered?

As I age and with so many friends and family dying around me, I think about my death and what life for those around me would look like when I’m gone. I wonder about the impact I have on people. What is my legacy? What will my children, grandchildren and husband do? Will my friends still talk about me with frequency? And if they do, what will they say?

I’ve been blessed to have some people “give me my flowers” while I’m still alive. I’ve heard from several people about how my writing has helped them. I’ve heard folks say that my friendship has been a blessing. I’ve even had people tell me that they only come onto Facebook to see what I post because it inspires them, either with the words I said or how I said it. I’ve been told that by me openly speaking my mind, it’s given others the courage to do the same. That makes me smile because I think everybody should be able to live authentically. Don’t hide behind your fears or anybody. Speak and live YOUR TRUTH.

I think about what I WANT people to think about me. What do I want them to remember. Genuine, funny, smart, caring, loving, loyal, happy, respectful, respected, positive are some of the words that I hope come to mind when people think about me whether I’m living or not. Then I had to ask myself am I LIVING these characteristics? Am I truly demonstrating these qualities? That’s a question you need to ask yourself as well. If you want to be remembered in a certain way, are you living it now? If not, why, and what can you do to start living that way? When I look at how I’m living, I think for the most part, I am living in the way I want to be remembered.

Being authentically you can come at a cost for some, and it may not be seen in the best light. For example, I am very opinionated and sometimes that rubs folks the wrong way. For the most part, I don’t sugar coat much of what I say and I’m fine with that. I take the good and the bad that comes with it. It’s why I end up in Facebook jail often. Lol But even the ones who say they don’t like WHAT I say, will never be able to say they thought I was lying to them. I believe most will say, I know EXACTLY where I stand with her because she says EXACTLY what she means. I’ll take that ANY DAY OF THE WEEK over being considered fake.

Everybody ain’t for everyone. I think the sooner some people realize that they’ll be able to live to their “True North”. There are some people who want to be liked by everybody so bad, they switch up who they are depending on the environment. You can’t do that. It must be exhausting, and I can’t believe anybody could ever find real peace within themselves doing that. BE YOU and you’ll attract the ones who are going to support and love on you. Everybody else doesn’t matter. Life is too short to try and please people who aren’t going to like you no matter what you do or don’t do.

Living authentically is a process that comes at different times for everybody. I don’t think it really hit me until my late 30s/early 40s. Until that point, I believe I was living PART of my truth, but I had so much going on with being a mom, a wife, friend, sister, etc. and working 40+ hours a week, I was just happy to make it through the day. I’m sure most women feel the same. But then something just clicked. I don’t know what it was, but I just changed up my thinking even when it came to my husband and kids. I couldn’t do it all, couldn’t be it all and was tired of pretending I could be. They were getting me, their REAL momma, and his REAL wife. If they didn’t like it, oh well. By this time, my kids were grown so they could choose to be or not be around me. I’m not saying I didn’t care if they chose not to be around me because that would be a lie. I love my children and of course want to spend time with them and be in their life. But I didn’t want to hold back with them. I didn’t want to be a certain person around them. I wanted them to know their mom FOR REAL. I’m not saying I was fake with my family while I was raising our children, but I held back parts of me. They definitely saw the raw and uncut version of me because I was more the disciplinary parent than my husband. But they didn’t get to see the softer side of me. They see it now for sure with my grandbabies, but I sure wish my kids, especially my oldest two, got more of that growing up. I give it to them now of course but it’s different when they’re older. I used to hide when I cried when they were growing up. Now if they happen to walk through my front door and I’m crying, I don’t hide the tears. I just explain to them what I’m going through. I think they appreciate it, and it gives them a sense that mom has feelings too. Not that they didn’t know but I think kids just look at their parents differently when it comes to emotions. I think parents try to hide their pain from their children because we don’t want them to feel any of it. We don’t want to cause them hurt in any way. At least that’s how I felt. But I think in them seeing me share my emotions, both good and bad, it helps build the relationship. I see my kids sharing more with me now and I truly believe it’s because I’ve opened up more about my feelings and they’ve SEEN it. They knew my mom died when I was 16. I would talk about her and my memories often. But they never saw me cry behind losing her as they were growing up. So, when they see their 50+ year old mom crying and I tell them I just miss my mom, they can truly feel and understand my pain. Whereas when they were children, they just heard the words.

Live your true self NOW if you’re not already. If you want to be a certain type of person but always hearing that others see you in a different light, it’s not them “just trippin”. It’s YOU! Look in the mirror. TRULY LOOK! I remember there was a time when I looked at myself in the mirror, really stopped and just stared at myself in the eyes and literally cried. I didn’t like who was looking back at me. I had to change. I’ve been happier ever since and so have the people around me. I attracted the type of people I wanted in my life. I lost some friends along the way and I’m ok with that. They served their purpose, and our season was over. I’m ok with that and you’ll need to be too. Sadly, some people don’t want to see you change, especially for the better. There are people in your life right now who enjoy seeing you struggle. They like to see you in pain. They want you to live in poverty or misery. All while saying they’re in your corner hoping you make it. NO, THEY DON’T! There are a few reasons for this. One could be that they are miserable themselves even if social media says otherwise. Don’t believe all of what you see. Everything has a filter nowadays. Others don’t want to see you grow and do better because they think you’ll bypass them. Some folks are just fine with you doing well as long as you aren’t doing better than they are. There could be people who are just evil, so they just wish bad on everybody all the while smiling in folk’s face. There are many reasons why people don’t want to see you change but do it anyway. Ask God, the universe or whomever you pray to to remove these people from your life. Be careful with that request though. You’ll be amazed at who you could lose. Some of the closest people around you may fall off. Let them fall! They don’t’ have your best intentions in mind.

So, I ask you, how do you want to be remembered? If the way you describe is how you’re living right now, that’s awesome!! You’ve done the work. But if not, take a good look at yourself in the mirror and see where you need to change. It may be difficult. You may have to make some tough decisions. You WILL lose some people in your life. But I promise you, it’s all worth it. Living authentically is freeing! It’ll bring you a sense of joy and peace that you never thought possible. And all the right people and even some new ones will be by your side genuinely supporting you along the way.

Be safe, be blessed and be a blessing.