When we're done, we're DONE!

There’s a song by R Kelly that’s titled When A Woman’s Fed Up. Part of the lyrics go “When A woman’s fed up, there ain’t nothing you can do about it.” He is not lying! Most women will tolerate a lot! I MEAN A LOT! Look around at some of the relationships you’ve seen women in. I’m not talking just about significant others. But look at how women deal with work, friendships, parenting, etc. They put up with a lot of nonsense before they get to their breaking point. But today I’m going to talk about women when they get fed up with their relationships.

I know men will disagree with this statement, but women are really very easy and simple people. We’re not as complicated as men tend to believe. I think a majority of women want a partner who will make them feel safe, supported, and loved. Yes, they want the money too but that’s not in their top 3, well for most women. You don’t have to be filthy rich for a woman to be happy. If she feels valued and heard, then more than likely she’s good. But here is where the problem comes in. Men don’t listen to what woman want and NEED to feel this way. They don’t pay attention to the love language of their partner. The man could be running around buying jewelry, purses, etc. when all that woman WANTS and NEEDS is a hug. Now the man is upset because he didn’t get the reaction he wanted from the gift and doesn’t understand why his woman isn’t happy. Not all women need gifts to feel valued. LEARN YOUR WOMAN! ASK HER what she needs because if you don’t and you continue to do it YOUR way, she’s going to get fed up. Let me show you what that looks like.

Men may think that because a woman has been with him for months, years, even decades that he’s doing it right because she hasn’t left. That may not be the case. I told you earlier that women sacrifice and put up with a LOT before they get fed up. Some women may get there in weeks, others it may take years. It just depends on that woman. If there’s enough right going on, it may take her longer but at some point, she’s going to re-evaluate. People grow and their needs change. So, if she gets to a point in life where she’s tired of taking what you’re dishing out, she has a right to voice that. And men need to pay attention to her and switch up if they want to keep her. I know some men may be like where is this coming from and why now? I’m willing to bet she’s mentioned it before and her man either didn’t listen or brushed it aside. He may have even tried to appease her for a time but then went back to his old ways. So, a woman can take that crumb he’s thrown at her and make a loaf of bread with it because we’ve seen the potential. We’ve seen what he can do when he WANTS to. And men make no mistake, that’s EXACTLY how a woman sees it. So, every time a woman sees her man NOT giving her what she needs from him, it’s a slap in her face. It says to that woman that her man doesn’t think she’s WORTHY or DESERVES what she’s asking for. Men, you can do it if you WANT to! Let’s look at an example.

Let’s say your woman wants affection but her man doesn’t give it to her. She fusses and for a good month he’s affectionate and then he turns it off. The woman may take a minute to realize she’s not getting that same attention and she may even be ok because she got what she needed for a moment. That will tie her over and she’ll keep on pushing. Then she’ll fuss again, and he’ll do right for another month. It’s a vicious cycle. But at some point, she’s going to stop fussing. There will be no more tears. She won’t want to talk about it anymore. She will just seem content and the man is happy because he’s thinking everything is ok because she’s not speaking on it. Men this is the time to be worried. THIS is when she’s actually preparing herself to leave you. This is when she’s learning what she will and will not tolerate and that she deserves better. This is when she’s breaking away from needing you. This can look different depending on the woman. Some women start to physically prepare. She may get a new bank account and start putting money away. She may start sleeping more closely on her side of the bed. She may start having more girl’s night out. Other women may just go along with the flow while in their mind, they’re planning to leave. She could be going thru her everyday routine, but you just feel like something isn’t right. She’s still smiling and engaging but it’s different. Her eyes look lost, hurt, sad but she’s not fussing at you. There are no more arguments. The things she fussed about before, from as big as her needs to as small as rinsing out dishes, don’t happen. And most men are probably in heaven because they’re not arguing with their woman. But men, this is the exact time when you could be headed for hell. If that woman means ANYTHING to you and you want her in your life, this is the time you need to be concerned and make some changes. The reason she doesn’t care about you supplying her needs or doing those dishes, is because she no longer cares about the relationship. The reason she’s not fussing about spending time together and going out is because she’s learning how to be alone. The reason she’s not showing you the attention and affection she once did is because she’s preparing herself to be without it. She’s on her way to being FED UP! And once she’s there, there’s nothing you can do about it. She’s done and she’s gone. And it may seem like it came out of the blue to some men but I’m willing to bet EVERY MAN can go back and look and see exactly when that woman shifted into this phase. You can go back to a time when you left clothes on the floor, didn’t put gas in her car or something else she would normally fuss about, and she didn’t say a word. You were probably even happy that you “got away with it” when essentially the only thing getting away is your woman! You lost her because you didn’t want to take the time to really listen to what she required. You didn’t invest the time in her that she needed. If you’ve been with that woman for years, you may be saying but we were together for all this time, I was invested. You were invested in YOU! Because I promise you, if a woman sees the slightest effort, she’s not going to leave. Leaving won’t even be on her radar.

Most women, men too for that matter, want to be in a relationship. Most people want a companion to spend their lives with. Women know that finding a good man is hard. We know the stats on single women finding a man are bleak, especially single women of a certain age. We watch Dateline, Snapped, etc. and know there are a lot of wackos out there. So, a lot of women stay in their current relationship because they don’t want to run into a stalker or end up alone. That’s why when a woman leaves, especially after years, she is GONE FOR GOOD! She’s done all the research. She knows the possibilities of not finding someone new. She knows she may end up alone and yet she’s willing to risk that to get what she feels she deserves! Most women don’t NEED a man to get what they want. Women have been doing it for themselves for years. But contrary to what men believe, woman want a soft place to land. They want a man by their side, so they don’t HAVE to do it all. They want someone to love on and take care of. But a woman is not going to keep a man if it means losing herself. And the moment she feels she has to give up too much of herself just to stay in a relationship, she’s going to prepare to leave.

Men will think they’ve given her everything but if they’re not giving her the ONE thing she needs whether it’s affection, time, etc., it won’t matter what you’re doing for her. She doesn’t HEAR and SEE love the way you do. That’s why it’s important to know what love feels like for your partner. I’ve heard men say, “I didn’t grow up receiving or showing affection, so I don’t know how to give it to her.” “I’m working for us, so I don’t have the time to spend with her like she wants.” “She knows I’m proud of her, I don’t need to tell her.” “I don’t have money to buy her gifts and things.” Or they don’t think about her to do small acts of service for her. These are all excuses to get around your woman’s love language. But when I hear men make these excuses, I call BS! Let me tell you why. Not one man came out the womb knowing how to play a sport, but they learned. Not one man came out the womb knowing how to do their job, but they learned. So why can’t they LEARN how to show their women affection. Men have worked 12-hour shifts but still had time to go see about their momma (that one is gonna put some folks in their feelings). Men work OT but have time to catch the game with their boys. So why don’t you have time for your girl? You make time for what you WANT to make time for. Men will give their brothas dap when they’ve gotten that new job or hit that shot in the pickup game. Men give praises to their children when they’ve done good at an activity. So why can’t he give some uplifting words to his woman on the regular? Men find a way to hustle up money when their boys want to go on a weekend getaway or a game. Why can’t he find $20 to buy his girl flowers, make a card, send her a love letter. When a man is looking for something around the house or needs sex, he’s quick to call on his lady but doesn’t think about her enough to open the car door for her, put gas in her car, do dishes every once in a while. MEN IT’S NOT HARD!! Women really aren’t asking for much. The fact that we have to KEEP asking for the SAME stuff may seem like it but if you listen to her, REALLY LISTEN TO HER, you’ll see it’s not much and you will only need to hear it once.

So, men ask yourself do you want to lose your woman because you can’t give her a hug or kiss every day? Can’t hold her at night in bed? Don’t want to spend time with her without the phone or TV? Don’t want to buy her or make her a little gift of love? Don’t want to send her a few words of encouragement or motivation? Don’t want to help her around the house or do something nice for her that she’s been wanting to do for herself but hasn’t gotten around to it? Don’t let this little stuff lose the biggest thing in your life! Don’t let her get FED UP because if she does, there’s nothing you can do about it.