Light skinned privilege? HA!

There are all different shades of people in the world and never did I imagine mine would cause me so much pain. Being a light skin, extremely light skin, black woman has been interesting to say the least. Some folks think because I am so light, that I don’t deal with the racism like some of my darker counterparts. That couldn’t be further from the truth. As a matter of fact, I get not only racist comments from non-black individuals, but I also get comments from within my own race. Let me share with you some of the things I’ve dealt with growing up.

My mom was extremely light as well and she said when she was younger, she would get told by the white kids that they didn’t want to play with her because she was a black girl. Then the black kids rarely played with her because she looked white. So, she said a lot of time was spent with her sister. It’s a good thing they were close in age so they could have each other in those situations. I didn’t have this issue per say but I had my share of ignorance regarding my skin color.

One of the comments/questions I get a LOT is what are you mixed with or they assume I am mixed with white and ask which of my parents is white. I never understood the audacity of someone asking that question or why it would even matter. I think it irritated me more coming from black people. MY GOODNESS, black people come in all shades so why does somebody have to mixed with anything to be black!! I remember telling my dad how much that question bothered me. He said the next time someone asks you that, tell them you’re mixed with your mom and dad! I LOVED that answer and to this day that’s exactly how I answer that question. Some laugh and expect me to say more but I don’t. It’s very rarely that I’ll answer that question with the actual answer. I only do so if the conversation is respectful, I KNOW the person well and it’s appropriate. Otherwise, I’m not responding because really, it’s none of their business and like I said, it’s a dumb question to ask somebody you don’t know. I’m sure to most it feels harmless but it’s actually rude. At least, it’s rude to me.

Name calling was another constant in my life. Even now in my 50s I still hear the comments, some would even say insults. I hear lite bright, damn near white… high yella/yellow, red bone… it never really bothers me because I know the people saying it and they aren’t saying it to be mean. It’s usually friends that said these things. So, I didn’t really read too much into it. But as I got older, I wondered if they would feel the same way if I had called them tar babies, blackie, blurple (so black they’re purple). For some reason calling people those names are offensive, but they never saw them calling me high yellow or red bone the same way. Why is that? I mean why would the names they’re calling me be any less offensive than me calling them names referencing their dark skin? I don’t know if anybody has ever sat with that and thought about it. I mean do they think names hurt less because of my skin tone? Is light skin somehow a shield from the pain of being called those names? Because I know some folks who would be totally offended by someone calling them a blackie but then say red bone in their next breath. So, I’m confused why they think it’s ok?

I’ve also wondered why my darker counterparts somehow think that being light skin makes it easier on me. I’d be a millionaire if I had a dollar every time someone made that statement. It’s ABSURD to think that light skin people have it any easier in this country/this world than any other black person. I can’t speak for all light skin people, but I get followed in certain stores when I enter. I get looked at crazy when I walk in and I’m the only black person in the room. I have been called a nigger walking down the street minding my own business just like my darker counterparts have. I have to be mindful of where I’m traveling because we aren’t welcomed everywhere. I’m sure there were jobs that I didn’t get once they saw me IF they even gave me an interview because of my name. Toniece isn’t a typical name and most certainly doesn’t sound like it’s from the white race. So, my struggles as a black woman are no different than those of any other darker black woman. In the office, I still have to put my guard up and watch my tone in an effort to be heard but not be the angry black woman. So please don’t think my struggle is any less because of the color of my skin.

Years ago, I was speaking to a guy at work. We were talking about my upcoming interview. He said “oh you’ll get it because you can fit in.” WHAT? What do you mean I can fit in? He said “because you’re light skin and you’re pretty so you’ll get it. They aren’t as threatened by you.” Ok now I have read articles and been in discussions regarding pretty people in general. If they had a better life than those who may be less attractive. I don’t know if I agree with that either, but I can see it because a lot of people are shallow like that. But for him to think that it’s easier for me to get a job because I can fit in was mind boggling. I mean do people really think that? As I thought about it, I had to think that some people really do. I’ve heard about “light skin privilege” too but TRUST I ain’t lived it! I remember in college, a white dorm mate said I could pass as white if I didn’t open my mouth. OK LET’S STOP FOR MOMENT!! Go back and read that statement again and let me know if you’re as appalled as I was when she said it. The first question I had for her is WHY WOULD I WANT TO PASS FOR WHITE? I think she realized then what she had said because she stumbled over herself to retract her statement and clean it up. But I wasn’t letting her off the hook that easy. I continued to ask her questions about that statement and why she felt the way I spoke was any different than anybody else. She continued to embarrass herself by trying to clean it up until I finally just rolled my eyes and walked away. I came back later to educate her that being white was NOT better than being black and she was very out of line for making that comment. She apologized and I wonder if that conversation changed her views going forward. I hope it did.

Funny things have happened to me due to my skin tone too. I think back to the time I got a speeding ticket. When I read the ticket after the officer pulled off, I saw he put my race as white. I shook my head and was like SERIOUSLY but then I wondered if I could go in court and fight the ticket. My brother-in-law, who is as light if not lighter than me, said the same happened to him and NOPE I would not win that in court. I thought it was funny, but I was going to surely try to say he gave the ticket to the wrong woman if I thought it would get me out of that ticket. Lol

Another misconception I think some have is that light skin black people are weak. Comedians have made jokes about light skin people, especially men, for years. There was a time when they would say light skin isn’t in any more or it’s making a comeback. I laughed because I laugh at anything and anybody if it’s funny but when you dig deeper, that was just another example of disrespect towards a light skin person by another black person. I don’t know why some folks think that being light means being weak. Maybe for coffee but not people, at least not the ones I know and DEFINITELY not me! I say all the time, Don’t Let This Light Skin Fool You! I generally use that statement when someone is trying to come for me and think I’m mousy. I QUICKLY let them know I am NOT the one! Some light skin folks may be weaker than others, but it has nothing to do with their skin tone. It’s just them as individuals. And that’s really how we need to see and treat people…..AS INDIVIDUALS and not make assumptions based on their skin color.

By reading this you may think that I don’t like my light skin because of all the things I’ve had to deal with but on the contrary, I love it. It wasn’t always this way. I think like most people who are teased for ANY reason, you want to change what they’re talking about, right? So, there were times when I wished I had darker skin. But would that have changed anything? NOPE because my darker counterparts got picked on too. So that would not have mattered but as a child, I didn’t realize that. I just wanted the name calling to stop. It never did because like I said, folks STILL say it today. But now it really doesn’t bother me. I either ignore it or say something slick back, just depends on my mood. But I LOVE ME today. I love my skin color. I love being a PROUD BLACK WOMAN! I stand with my black brothas and support my community. I love the various shades we come in and I’m proud to stand at my end of that spectrum. My goal in life as a black woman is just to do myself, my husband, my kids, my family, my friends, and my community proud. I treat all people with respect regardless of their skin color until they give me a reason not to. So, as I leave you this week, I hope the next time you see someone who may look different than you, that you don’t assume anything based off their skin tone and PLEASE don’t ask anybody what they’re mixed with. Just appreciate their differences and be kind!! Y’all be safe, be blessed and be a blessing.