Framily! Friends who are family.

Framily – This is what I call friends that became family. Today I want to talk about those friends. I have been blessed over the course of my years to make some really good friends who have accepted me and my family as their own. I want to share my thoughts about the difference I see between the two and why it’s ok if you have to turn to framily before family.

First a little background on my family. I grew up with my mom’s side of the family. We lived in California. My dad’s family lived in Indianapolis. Prior to my dad’s passing, I had only been to Indiana once when I was a toddler, so I didn’t know them well. So, all the family experience and what I thought family should be came from my mom’s side of the family. I grew up playing with my cousins at my grandparents. Grandma would cook for the various holidays and extended family would come by. So, I had a fun childhood with my cousins, sisters, uncles, and aunts. As we grew older, we became distant. I’m sure that happens in most families but this was different. I really think a lot of it had to do with the middle generation dying so young. My mom, aunts and uncles passed away and so they weren’t there to carry on what my grandparents started. The younger generation tried, and they did to an extent but it’s in silos now. All cousins are not treated equal.

I saw my family was different too when I met my husband and saw how his family interacted with each other. They fussed and cussed at each other but at the end of the day, they had each other… ALL OF THEM! It wasn’t the select few that they did for. They helped whoever needed it. I was blessed to be embraced into his family and to this day I feel like I can pick the phone and call his cousins, aunts or whoever and they would help us.

My father passed when I was 29 and I flew to Indiana for his funeral and met his family. To say my mind was blown is an understatement. First of all, there were a LOT of them. Growing up I only thought my dad had 2 brothers and 1 sister. There were 13 siblings!!! So, imagine my surprise when I got to town and saw so many cousins, aunts, uncles. And from the very MOMENT they met us, we were family. It was as if we had been with them our whole lives. To this day some of my favorite people are on my dad’s side of the family and I’ve been able to visit with them often. Some have come to visit us. I get texts, emails, or messages through social media from various cousins on my dad’s side and even Eric’s family to check in and make sure we’re ok. We got this a lot while we were in Minnesota because at that time, it was just me and Eric living there. We didn’t have any family with us. So, we were contacted on many occasions to make sure we were ok.

So that’s my family background. I wanted to share that with you so you can understand when I tell you about my framily. Our framily dates back to California, in the early years of our marriage. My husband and I met in high school so we both have friends that date back to those days. Not all of those folks are framily be we do have a few that we still speak to regularly and there are a select few that I can call right now and say, “I need you” and no matter how much time has passed, they are there. I have some family who I grew up with and I can call and make that same call and IF they answered, I would get hesitation and more than likely they wouldn’t help me at all. I’ve tested this theory out at different times and got the same result. It’s sad but it is what it is.

In the early 2000s, my husband took a position in Colorado. We had 4 children and knew one person, his boss, when we moved. My son happened to get into little league football, and it changed our entire lives. We met some families there who took us under their wing immediately. They became instant framily and to THIS DAY we talk on a consistent basis. They are the ones who have come to visit us wherever we moved. No family came to visit us in Minnesota except our children. But our framily from Colorado came regularly. As they said, they had to SEE where we were and SEE that we were ok. It’s those little things that make the difference for me when I define family.

After Minnesota, we had a decision to make about where we would live. Colorado was definitely an option because we lived there for so many years and because of our framily there. But we decided to go to Texas. Eric and I both had family there plus some framily. One of my best friends lived in the area. This particular woman was one my family took in while she was in Colorado. We worked together and just clicked. She was younger than me and there by herself. She’s an only child so I felt a sense of responsibility for her. I knew what it was like to be in a new place without anyone so I invited her over for holidays when she couldn’t get back to Texas. My kids and husband loved her and to this day they each have their own relationship with her. My kids call her if they need something or just want to hang out.

While in Texas, we’ve made more framily. My husband and I became part of a traveling group and went to Cabo, Mexico with them. We had a good time but had no idea what awaited us when we got home. 3 months after we got back from that trip, one of the ladies sent an invite to join a chat group. She said she just wanted to stay in touch with some women she connected with so when we saw each other at trips in the future, we would know somebody. The 9 women who accepted that invite had NO idea what would become of that. We started with good mornings every day and the normal chit chat you have when you’re getting to know people. It blossomed into something none of us could’ve imagined. We started talking in Dec 2019. Now EVERYDAY we talk. Literally EVERYDAY in our chat, there are conversations. Sometimes it’s heavy, most of the time it’s hilarious but that chat is on fire all day every day unless we’re together. Speaking of being together, we got together often. By July 2021, we have had countless Zoom calls (thanks to the pandemic) and have traveled to be together NINE times!! NINE!! This doesn’t include the times one or two of us fly out to see another. Or the times the ones who live in the DFW area have gathered for dinners, happy hours or just to hang out. We’ve been to each other’s home for birthdays. We’ve traveled internationally for vacations. Our husbands have traveled together. We’ve met each other’s children and extended family. We became an instant framily!! None of us have been able to explain it. We just know it was something MUCH bigger than us that got us 10 couples together to form this bond.

This piece is in no way a knock on my own family. I love them. I will ALWAYS love them. My sisters and I haven’t missed a beat. We’re still close as ever and I talk to at least one of them every day. None of my framily takes away from what I feel for my family. This blog is to let somebody out there know it’s ok if your family isn’t your emergency contact. You’re no less because you have friends who feel more like family than your actual family. I believe that there’s a higher power that KNOWS what you need and provides it. Sometimes it comes within our own family and sometimes it comes from strangers who become that for you. Don’t be ashamed of that. Don’t feel bad for it AND DON’T LET YOUR FAMILY MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY FOR IT! I had a cousin approach me about something I put on Facebook once about how my friends are there for me more than my family. He was upset because he believes family above everything. I believe the same, but family isn’t always blood. Family is who and what you determine it to be.

I pray you, your family and framily are safe, blessed and a blessing.